


goodbye

by danidabbadoo



Series: love hurts [2]
Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Minor cursing, Sad Ending, Spoilers for Act 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 14:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17204690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danidabbadoo/pseuds/danidabbadoo
Summary: “Something I learned early on after Yggdrasil fell is that we can’t focus on the past.”That was what he said, right?





	goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is kinda like a part 2 or sequel to my other story “forgiveness”. There are a couple references to that story.  
> This story contain spoilers for the beginning of Act 3.  
> The story is only rated T because there is minor cursing.  
> The Luminary’s name is El in this story.  
> I apologize for grammar mistakes!  
> All right, that’s all, I think! Enjoy!

“Something I learned early on after Yggdrasil fell is that we can’t focus on the past.”

That was what he said, right? 

Erik’s eyes stung horribly with unshed tears as he stared at his lover standing before the time sphere. What happened to not focusing on the past, huh? Erik wanted to shout at his back, but he couldn’t. He knew how guilty El felt about the fall of Yggdrasil, despite what he had told Erik during that fateful reunion. He knew that El blamed, unfairly in Erik’s opinion, himself for the deaths of Veronica and the many others who perished in or because of the fall. He knew that El’s sense of justice and morality would not let him ignore this opportunity to go back in time and fix his “mistakes”. He also knew that this separation would break El’s heart as much as it would break his. So, he couldn’t throw El’s words back at him and cause his heart to shatter even further. He couldn’t do that to him, especially if these were the last few moments they had together. 

Turning back to face his friends, El tried to school his expression to be neutral, but Erik could easily see the cracks in his facade. His eyes shone with tears and his mouth twitched at the corners. Erik knew the same thoughts were running through his mind. 

El walked toward them with heavy steps, the Sword of Shadows strapped to his back seeming to weigh him down. He couldn’t make eye contact with them; the guilt of his decision to leave was already evident. 

Erik was the first to break the silence. “So, you’re leaving, huh?” He couldn’t quite keep the hurt out of his voice. El just sighed deeply, not sure what to say. Matching his sigh, Erik reminded himself that he didn’t want these last moments to be sour or selfish. He had enough of being selfish. This was El’s decision, and his alone. And El was too unselfish for his own good. 

“You know that you do have to do this, right?” Erik asked. At these words, El looked up quickly, ready to retaliate with his heroic shit about this being his duty and yadda yadda blah blah blah, but Erik cut him off. “I know what you’re gonna say, but… please. Please, just think of yourself for once, El. You’ve already done so much for the world, and this, going back in time, I mean, can’t be undone. You’ve spent your whole life being selfless; it’s okay to be selfish this one time.” 

As El’s gaze dropped back to the floor, Erik knew for certain that his speech hadn’t worked and never had a chance of working. He really hated how selfless and heroic his lover was. 

“Stop looking at the fucking floor and look at me, El.” The words were harsh, but there was no sting behind them. Erik was just tired of El avoiding his eyes. He didn’t want his last memory of El to be of the top of his head. 

El looked up and met his eyes finally. They were red and puffy, providing that tears had already escaped. “You know I have to do this,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m sorry, Erik.” 

“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Erik insisted, grasping El’s arms firmly. “I know this is not going to convince you to change your mind, but I want you… No, I need you to know that what you want matters. You deserve happiness, too, even if you are the “Luminary”. This is your life, and I need you to consider this.” 

El just stared at him, wide-eyed as tears leaked down his face. Sighing, Erik released his grip on his arms. “I know this is your decision and your decision alone, and I’ll support you in whatever you decide. I just wanted you to know that your wants matter, too, and deserve consideration.” Erik started to turn away when El wrapped his arms around his shoulders. 

Kissing his cheek, El whispered, “I love you, Erik. I’m going to miss you… so much.” Burying his face in El’s hair, Erik let his tears finally fall. 

“I love you, too,” he cried, clutching El to him one more time. 

—

After saying his farewell to everyone, El stood in front of the time sphere once again with the Sword of Light in hand. Not one face was dry. Even Hendrik had tears in his eyes. 

Erik stood behind El, his arm wrapped around Serena’s shoulders. “Remember!” she called to El with a tremor in her voice. “Remember to take me with you! And take good care of Veronica for me!”

Jade spoke warmly as she held her hands on Rab’s shoulders, “The other usses will be waiting for you!” Glancing back, El nodded and smiled comfortingly, despite the tears on his face. 

El turned back around and raised the Sword of Light. As El was bringing the sword down on the sphere, Erik had a sudden urge to say one more thing. Letting go of Serena, he rushed forward, falling on his hands and knees as he yelled, “El, this isn’t goodbye! Not by a long shot!” El looked back with a surprised expression as he shattered the sphere and Erik gave him the best grin he could muster. “I’ll see you on the other side!”

Then, there was a flash of blinding light. When Erik’s eyes recovered, El was gone and the time sphere was laying in pieces. Erik looked around at his friends and they wore similar dazed expression. He stood up hurriedly and ran up to the shattered time sphere, outrageously hoping that El was still here somewhere. The Timekeeper stared at him with unblinking, black eyes.

“The Luminary… is no longer present… in this timeline,” it said in response to Erik’s panicked eyes.

“Is he safe? Did he make it?” he rushed to ask. 

“I do not know…” it replied, “I only know about this timeline… not about the others…” 

Exhaling, Erik whispered, “We don’t even get to know if he’s alive?” He turned away and walked back over to his friends, who were watching him in silence. Erik didn’t know what to do with himself. Now that El was actually gone, he just felt empty. It seemed like the others were in a similar state. 

“W-Well,” Sylvando stuttered, trying to hold himself together, “I’m sure El made it to the other timeline. He’s a strong boy who can handle himself. There’s no use staying here and worrying, darlings. Let’s get going.” 

Going… Erik thought as he followed his friends out of the tower. Going where? 

He know he had go back to Sniflheim to take care of his sister. Chuckling drily to himself, he remembered his discussion with El about him and Mia moving to Cobblestone so that they could be together. Well, that was down the drain now. 

Wait, speaking of Cobblestone… 

“Fuck, oh fuck,” Erik gasped, stopping in his tracks as the party stepped out of the tower. 

“Erik?” Serena asked, frowning. “You look very pale. Are you going to faint?” 

Sylvando rushed up besides Erik to hold him steady. “Woah, darling. Take deep breaths. In, out. In, out.” He breathed with Erik as he guided him to sit on the steps. “That’s it, honey.” 

Once he was sitting, he stared wide-eyed at his friends, rasping, “How the fuck are we gonna tell his mum and the rest of his fucking hometown? He didn’t say goodbye. He just fucking left…” 

Everyone’s eyes widened in horror at the realization, but Sylvando recovered quickly, knowing Erik was going to pass out if he didn’t slow his breaths. “We will talk about it later, honey. Breathe with me. In, and out…”

—

Later that night, Erik lay in the tent with the rest of the party. He couldn’t fall asleep, and assumed everyone else was in the same boat since he didn’t hear anyone breathing deeply or snoring. He didn’t feel like breaking the silence to point it out though. He knew everyone was processing the day like he was; he could practically hear the gears clanking and turning in all their heads. 

After a while, he noticed small sobs coming from Serena. He wondered if he should get up and comfort her. He wondered if she even wanted to be comforted or to dwell in this sadness and hurt alone to process everything. Either way, Erik didn’t move. His body was too tired and, it was horrible, but he couldn’t bring himself to comfort someone else right now. He just felt so empty. He doubted that he would be able to even say anything comforting. 

It would’ve worried him about how much of nothing he felt if he could feel anything at all. He didn’t cry, not since they left the tower. It was like there was a black hole inside him, sucking away all the emotion and hurt. Maybe it was a defense mechanism? 

Or maybe it was just he used up all the emotion he was capable of earlier. He was so furious and upset when El was deciding whether to leave or not. He hadn’t felt this much negative emotion since Mia turned to gold. He remembered feeling a similar empty feeling after he had left their home and started stealing. His emotional capacity recovered soon after, though, and guilt had quickly made its home in his heart. He was sure it would be the same this time around. 

Eventually, he fell into a restless sleep. Unsurprisingly, he dreamed about El. It wasn’t just one scene that played out, but a mashup of different memories he had experienced with El. One moment, he was sitting on a log with El pressed against his side at the campfire. El was chuckling about something, but he couldn’t remember what. 

The next scene was dark. He could make out El’s form in front of him as his eyes adjusted. He could feel rocking under his feet and he realized they were on a boat. El stepped closer and whispered something unintelligible before leaning in to kiss him. 

However, before their lips met, the scene changed again. He could hear the crackling of a fire as he spotted El on a bed in the corner. His lips were blue and his hands were freezing when Erik picked them up. Mechanically, like his body wasn’t his own, he started to rub El’s hands in his to warm them up as a dark pit of worry permeated him. “Damnit, El,” he heard himself saying but didn’t remember opening his mouth, “You gotta wake up, partner. I haven’t even had the chance to tell you that I… Just please, wake up.” 

Erik’s vision blurred at the scene changed again. This time, he was holding El to his chest as he stared angrily at Mordegon, who had just stripped El of his Luminary power. El panted harshly and gritted his teeth as he tried to deal with the immense pain flowing through his body. Erik had no idea what to do and just had to watch as his lover suffered and the world fell apart. “El!” he screamed as his vision went dark. 

Erik woke up in a cold sweat and felt out of breath. His panicked eyes glanced around the tent and his pulse started to calm once he saw that he was safe in the tent with his party. His eyebrows furrowed when he didn’t see El. Where was he? 

Climbing out of his bedding, Erik opened the tent flap to go outside. He sighed as he saw orange light spill over the horizon. It was dawn, already? 

He yawned as he looked around the camp for El. He saw him at the edge of camp, staring at the sunrise. “You’re up early,” Erik commented as he walked up to him.

El turned to him and smiled after hearing Erik’s voice. Shrugging, he said, “The sunrise is pretty. I like to watch it.” 

“You get up this early every morning?” Erik asked, shocked. 

Chuckling, El nodded, “My mum always got me up to watch the sunrise with her and my grandad. It’s just habit to wake up early now.”

“But we went to bed, like, maybe three hours ago? How are you not tired?” 

El raised an eyebrow, “Who said I wasn’t tired?” Erik laughed as El continued, “I’m always tired. Honestly, being the “Luminary” is pretty exhausting.” 

Erik nodded, “I know. Being the Luminary’s companion is pretty exhausting as well.” El pouted and shoved Erik as he chuckled. “I’m just kidding, partner.”

“Yeah, I know,” El smiled softly. A comfortable silence fell between them as Erik sat down in the grass. El followed his lead shortly after and they gazed at sunrise for a few quiet moments. 

“Hey, Erik?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you…” El paused, his head dropping down to his lap. “Could you do me a favor?” 

“You know I’d do anything for you.” Erik wasn’t sure where his boldness came from, but what he said was true and saying it felt right. 

El smiled at his words, but his eyes were sad. “Could you tell my mum and Gemma that I’m sorry?” 

Frowning, Erik asked, “What’re you sorry for?”

“Leaving,” came the whispered reply. Erik glanced at El at this, but El didn’t look at him. “I want them to know that I’m sorry for leaving.”

Erik huffed a small laugh, “El, I think they understand that you had to leave Cobblestone. You’re the Luminary; you have a job to do.”

El opened his mouth to speak, but ending up not saying anything. Sighing, he finally glanced back up at Erik with a sad smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He paused again to grab Erik’s hand suddenly, startling Erik at the desperate nature of the movement. “But please, just tell them I love them and I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. Please, Erik.” 

Staring at El with wide eyes, he spluttered, “Why… Why can’t you tell them yourself? We can zoom to Cobblestone right now if you really want to…” 

El just shook his head and stared at him with pleading eyes, “Please, promise me. Promise me you’ll go to them Erik.” Taking Erik’s hand in both of his, his eyes filled with tears as he said, “I know I have no right to ask you this, especially because I left so suddenly, but please, do this for me, Erik. Please…”

“All right! I promise,” Erik rushed to say, his heart breaking at the tears that were beginning to run down El’s cheeks. He didn’t understand what El meant by “leaving so suddenly” but he just wanted to calm him. “I promise.”

Leaning down, El kissed Erik’s hand. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I miss you so much.”

Combing through El’s silky hair with his free hand, Erik said, “You don’t gotta miss me. I’m right here.” 

Looking up at Erik’s face again, El exhaled shakily and closed his eyes. “Our time is running out.” He opened his eyes again and Erik saw a deep hollowness that caused his own heart to ache. “This is it. Despite what you said,” he paused to take another shaky breath, “this is goodbye. I love you, Erik, so much.” 

As El said this, Erik started to feel a pulling sensation at his back and El seemed to be getting farther and farther away from him. His hand slipped out of El’s grasp as El rushed to stand up. Erik’s vision started to go dark as raw panic raged through him. Why were they saying goodbye? Where was El going? Why couldn’t Erik go, too?

Despite his panic, however, he managed to yell, “I love you, too, El!” before he was torn from the scene. 

—

Erik woke up with wet eyes and a panicked mind. Realizing that he truly woke up this time, he looked around wildly at his friends crowding around him. He felt like a caged animal. He flinched when he felt a chilly hand on his arm. 

Looking up quickly, he saw Serena gazing at him with sad eyes. They weren’t pitying him, thankfully. Instead, her eyes shone with understanding. She gently wrapped him in a hug as more tears started to fall from his eyes. He clung on to her desperately, feeling as if the sorrow in his heart would swallow him if he didn’t hold on. 

Whispering, she said, “I dreamt of him, too.”


End file.
